the real test

the real test of faith, hope, and love is time. time can test even the strongest of faiths. it can crush hopes and dreams. it can fade away love. but it is also through time that these things become more and more manifested. and my test is just starting...

I never felt this down in my life. It's like during the time when my Daddy died. I may know where I want to go, I may have plans unlike then but I'm confused more than ever. The sadness I feel reaches beyond my nerves, beyond the depths of my soul. I have a couple of choices, yet, there seems to be only one probable choice. I want time to run very, very fast so that I may be in the future instead of being here today, at this very moment. Every strength, every inspiration, every single drop of enthusiasm is being consumed by this heavy feeling each day as I wake up and sleep. I know what I want, I believe it can be done, and it will be done, but, this pain just wouldn't fade away.

and my birthday is just around the corner. how many birthdays will I celebrate before this pain will stop? God knows.

Pain

It is really painful to be away from the ones you love. I never had good mornings again since I've been away from them: my fiance and son. I always have this heavy feeling. It's like a piece of me is missing. A piece that keeps me complete, makes my day bright, makes all the rainy days go away.

I finally got what I deserve for all my actions before. Yet, this won't make me go down. I never like the feeling of giving up. I hate losing, but I detest giving up. I'd rather lose while giving all I got and getting hurt in return than acquiring no bruises because of turning back. I just don't like this feeling of incompleteness.

Someday, this will end... Someday.